I should probably start with the fact that I watched and finished 13 reasons earlier this week why and it was definitely a trigger... ever since I keep wondering what is the purpose of my life... yes I have 2 kids and I live for them but eventually they will move away and have their own families and I will be an afterthought...

Why do I live? To feel hurt? I've been hurt so much that I've become numb. I'm afraid to feel anything. Well no, I'm not afraid, I'm just no longer capable, it's like a fire went out.

Why do I live? To grow old and sick?

What is the purpose? Beyond my kids dependency, I don't see a purpose. My husband loves me but I believe that he'd get over me shortly if I was to go, and to be honest, he has hurt me so much that I do not worry about him.

I am so sorry for this depressing post but I just feel stuck in a place where it seems life is superfluous.