I have told my T about struggling with connection in between sessions (though I never said it like that). I've told her about "researching" her, that I know where she lives, she knows I look at her fb page, that I've saved pictures from her fb page, and that I reread emails. I don't have any recordings of her, but if I did, I'd listen to them and would admit it to her. She's fine with all of it. Well, I'm sure she doesn't like that I know where she lives, but there's nothing she can do about it. Plus she knows I would never go near there. But anyways...

I talked to my T about a transitional object. She said not until we terminate. And when we do terminate I'm not allowed to "research" her anymore (though I can keep the pictures). Well, since we're not terminating for a long time, but we're "transitioning", I'll get my transitional object.

I would definitely talk to your T. Maybe even revisit the transitional object topic. You don't have to admit to anything you don't want to. But maybe, hopefully, you two can come up with ways to help you maintain that connection.