I am sorry it hurts so much; hopefully talking about your pain will help you eventually recover but it's going to take time. Concerning your dad, he has to live with your mom 24/7--who knows what h*** she would put him through if he doesn't tow the line. Your sisters live far away--that distance may be hurting the relationship as much as whatever their feelings are about you. Don't assume they don't love you (idk). So many things can interfere with relationships, narcissists are experts at sabatoging other people's relationships. Given everything you have posted about your childhood, it sounds like your sisters may have struggles of their own. Someday you might connect with one of your sisters in some way. Try not to worry about it. Try not to take it to personally. I am grateful to have gotten to know you through your posts. Given how cool you are--it is likely that both of your sisters love you. It is possible they are weak/cowards/followers/self centered/ in a crisis of their own (idk--one of the above) rather than phonies. Be proud of yourself for staying away from your mother's toxicness. I am glad that your H is supporting your decision to stand up to her and stay away. <<hugs>>