Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahSweden
Some T:s give hugs, others donīt. I hug with my temporary counselor, a hug when we meet before our session starts. It feels kind of nice but not when I realized the hug isnīt mutual.
Itīs always me who takes initiative to a hug and I understand most T:s do it that way, they donīt touch the client unless the client shows he or she want a hug, a handshake or such.
But when I got this thought about the hug not being mutual it felt degrading. That I hug without no form of mutuality. I understand it and my counselor hasnīt done anything, itīs just that if I donīt show Iīm about to give her a hug she wonīt initiate it. Thatīs kind of standard, at least here in Sweden, a kind of "therapeutic conduct".
But now I feel sad, it feels in some way dirty (not in an erotic way) to hug someone who doesnīt hug back on the same premises. My counselor doesnīt need my hug, sheīs married and has friends and that makes this thought even worse. She hugs me in some kind of "charity act" and it feels deeply sad.
|
You're right. My T doesn't need hugs either. She gets it from who she wants to get it from and she has her own group of people that she deals with outside of work. She has her family and friends. Some of us on the contrary go into session lacking certain a needs and wants. With continuation of therapy, when we "feel" like we are building a bond with our T I think we feel that need. Whether it's for support, approval, or validation some of us have that desire.
It's true I wouldn't want to hug someone that doesn't want to reciprocate or feels obligated to reciprocate. I had that issue with my T and a fist bump. I took a long break and came back and felt a connection. I wanted to give her a hug but I held back. I fist bumped her one day but I noticed that she totally avoided making eye contact or any sort of acknowledgment of me being in the room towards the end of each session after that. I no longer approached.
I'm sure we are not the only clients that feel this way with our Ts. They probably feel bombarded with hugging and "attention seeking" (I hate this term used by my T) clients. I see it more as a bother to them than anything else and I remind myself that my T would speak to me for 1 minute if I didn't pay her for the session.