I am intrigued by your statement "I realised that it wasn't mutual". How did you realise this? Did you feel like she wasn't invested in the hug? Did she just stand there like a toy soldier when you hugged her? I am genuinely intrigued.

I would find that very difficult, I I thought my T was not invested in our touch, if I thought that she did it out of necessity for me etc etc. I must say that sometimes I feel like my T wants the hug or wants to hold my hands and for me that is more important than it sounds. Somebody actually wanting to be close to me emotionally or physically is still quite a bizarre experience, but through our work together it is becoming more normal for me to accept that it could be possible that other people might want this too.

If I felt like my T was just standing there when I hugged her, it wouldn't have any positive effect for me, but I would certainly talk to her about it. I think it is important and very helpful to be completely open and honest with T, for me anyway.

I am sorry that this is just another thing about your counsellors/therapists that unsettles or unnerves you.