Lost in bad thoughts/feelings again. Now I'm thinking you gave a way my session because you'd think that would be the last straw for me, that it would cause an unresolvable rupture, and so I'd quit therapy. But then you say if you didn't want to do therapy with me, you wouldn't. It's confusing because it seems your actions don't match words, maybe.

You did take on some qualities on of my sadistic father and brother. It's not just transference, but I don't know what it is. It's so hard that you don't seem to look at yourself or your actions or how you contribute to things. So hard.