Tisha-your remininscences are all over the place in this post. Makes me think of lots of weird awkward stuff as well. Your mom is determined to still be in charge. I am sure everything she has said and done is about keeping you in line. The ends justify the means even if in the process she has lost you for good (idk but this is the picture I have in my head). I bet she desperately wants you to give in so you will do her bidding. I hope I haven't triggered you. Know that if you keep your distance, you can heal. If you ever need to see her in the future, maybe bring your H as a reinforcement? <<hugs>>

Another thought--just because we no longer feel close or loved by someone now--doesn't mean that if was not once a very special relationship. Friendships can ebb and flow, people sometimes change. When your dad helped you during your youth, he may have felt a lot of love for you. Perhaps he figures that you have your H to take care of you now and is just encouraging you to try to move on from the drama with your mom just like I am......