I think I would appear high functioning bc I can manage to keep a full time job and an apartment and mostly pay my bills and keep my cats alive and such. But I sometimes think my pdoc and T think I am better than I really am.

I can be going to work every day and maybe even kicking asss at my job, but that uses up everything I have. So I spend the rest of the time not working on the couch or sleeping trying to recover from the work week. Sometimes I can't get myself to cook or clean or open mail and the house starts to resemble a hoarders episode.

And I feel like on those news shows when they discover somebody has died by suicide and everyone is shocked and in disbelief because the person always seemed so okay. I see myself. That could be me.

Because I manage to work and be independent I think MH workers don't think i am as much at risk. But I think they have it wrong- I am more of a risk bc I am able to convince the world that I am fine when I am not. I'm not gonna end up in a hospital if I lose it. I'm gonna end up dead. (Don't worry- I'm not sui). So perhaps high functionality isn't always a good thing afterall.