Hello jcl: I can't really speak directly to your concerns. I've never actually received a diagnosis from any of the mental health professionals I've seen over the years. However, from what I know of BPD, there was a time when I thought I could possibly have been diagnosed as having it when I was young. (I've read & been told that BPD tends to burn itself out as one ages.)

I'm an older person & my wife & I have been married for 38 years... (her accomplishment , not mine.) The thing I wanted to say here is that it takes a whale of a lot of compassion & forgiveness to keep a romantic relationship going for that long... BPD or no BPD. The important thing, I think, is your commitment to one another. Over time, the romance fades. After all of these years, my wife & I have little in common except for the fact that we've been married for 38 years. But none-the-less we're committed to one another.

From my perspective I think you & your gf can create a contented long-term relationship... (marriage?) What's important is lots of open communication along with, as I wrote above, compassion & forgiveness. Perhaps some individual therapy for yourself & / or some couples counseling for the two of you might be beneficial as well. To borrow a phrase from an old song by Herman's Hermits: "... girls as sharp as her are somethin' rare." Fight for your future together.