Hi LovingADHD. Welcome to PsychCentral. I am sorry you are facing so many challenges for so long. The important thing is to keep you and your children safe from this emotional abuse. Self care for you is most important. If possible a therapist for you could be a saving grace. If he would go you could go to couple counselor but he seems like he is resisting all.

From what you say, he is very angry and could be destructive to relationships at work and home and also may be vulnerable to a breakdown, but it is not your job to try to remedy the situation or stop his fighting.

If he does any physical harm to anyone, that is a sign that he is a danger to others. The police will usually respond to a situation where someone is a danger to others. The problem can be that he may act perfectly normal to the police, so choose your moment wisely but if you feel in danger or your children are in danger, calling 911 in US is often the best remedy.

I just feel you would be helped from a professional to advise you. Hope you can get someone to help. Women in Distress and other woman support organizations can help in some ways but not sure about specifics. Check local listings for women support groups.