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Originally Posted by leejosepho
In my own case, I believe I am somewhere on the autism spectrum where empathy can exist (naturally, I believe) but is not easily visible or readily made manifest. Then either alongside that or even as part of it, my lack of social intelligence comes out in the second part you have mentioned. Overall, I do my best to deal with all of that by just doing for others as I would want someone to do for me at a given moment or time of trouble.
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I have a long list of reasons that I suspect high functioning autism for myself as well. I've found that what I want isn't necessarily what other people want. I suspect most people want hugs or other kinds of touch but I have no idea how to time it. I myself don't really want hugs (touching my hand/arm is usually ok) and my reactions range from a violent reaction (if I'm really upset, touch can just "overload" me) to just resignation. I've only really felt comforted by the light touch on the hand/arm and specifically by my boyfriend. Maybe it's because I've gotten used to it though. I guess I would want to be comforted, but touch isn't always comforting to me? So I don't know how to apply it to other people. I just try to talk to them and hope it doesn't make the problem worse or they think I'm cold or something.
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Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend
I do agree with the fact that a child is born with empathy, however, I also think that based on my personal experience, a child who is raised by abusive parents or has suffered some type of severe trauma or neglect before the age of 5 can have a harder time feeling empathy or lose the ability to feel empathy for others as an adult all together.
I think this is the reason why I don't have any empathy as an adult. While I do have cognitive empathy (the ability to understand people's feelings on a logical level) I am finding that I'm almost incapable of feeling emotional empathy (the ability to feel what others feel). Despite me not having any empathy as an adult, as a young child, I was very sensitive and emotional.
My point is that how one is raised DOES play a role in one's ability to have empathy as an adult.
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Sure, but where's the line between a bad/less than ideal childhood and being "wired differently"? Maybe part of the reason I didn't get my needs met as a child was because I was different and my parents didn't know how to meet my needs. Although to be fair, my dad was an a-hole. I think personally, that effected my self-esteem more than my empathy directly. I was just wondering if parents were supposed to show a child how to have empathy, like they teach them how to tie a shoe or something.
Maybe both being "weird" and my childhood both contribute. Although, unlike you, I didn't realize I didn't have normal empathy until it was pointed out. I don't know if that makes any difference. I'm also still sensitive and emotional. I'm pretty neurotic honestly.