I have read several online articles by Sam Vaknin, and he also has videos on YouTube. Regrettably, I haven't read Malignant Self-Love.

I do have to consider the possibility Mother had a personality disorder, and NPD is a candidate. Through interlibrary loan I was able to read Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W. Brown. Material there and the official criteria for NPD found in the DSM partially describe my mother, perhaps more than partially. I am not fully comfortable with my memories and I mistrust them.

Will I ever be satisfied with my efforts? Can I be satisfied with my efforts?

Thank you, Fuzzybear.