Yes, I know, it takes time to get to a level where you can finally accept that what happened, happened and there was nothing you could do to really prevent it. You really had no idea these tragedies were going to take place. I think you put a lot of effort into having a sense of "control" in your life. You were trying so hard to make up for whatever you did not have too. Deep down, you are a good person and you deserve to be forgiven by yourself.

It's hard to find one's way toward letting go of guilt and regret. I am still working through that myself.