Sounds just like my abusive ex, except mine had the decency to be subtle about his control, was smart enough to know verbal abuse would have me running in the opposite direction immediately, and lead me to believe the changes he was insisting on, was for my benefit.

My early 20's were a complete mindfcuk and I was too naive to recognize thr abuse until after the fact.

Oh that and at the end of the 5 years I got beaten up, when I insisted on autonomy and independence.

You are in an ugly situation, things are not going to get better, they're just going to get worse, he's mentally and emotionally abusive, I hope you realize you deserve better.