Not even remotely the same but I bite my fingernails and sounds like that use to drive my stepmother insane the same way your SI does your mother. I remember when I was 13 or so and she first tried putting the nasty tasting stuff on my hands, that didn't work. She made me wear white gloves when I went outside to "play" (real easy to make friends with other teens when you're hanging around wearing white "church" gloves, NOT!) since she couldn't "see" me then to stop me and other times she'd insult me by offering me her toenails to bite (yuck?). Finally, one day I was out front practicing on my skateboard (we lived in California) or shooting hoops or something and she came out and told me to stick my hands out. She had one hand behind her back and was reaching for my hands with her other hand. For some reason, I didn't trust her? LOL But she kept insisting and being my mother I started to do what she said. She grabbed at my hands and pulled a can of black spray paint from behind her back and started spraying it. I was wearing my favorite blouse and she got paint on it too. She pretty much missed my hands though, I'm quick to duck and cover when I have to :-) but then she starts yelling and going on again about biting my fingernails.

Anyway, I have a slight clue what you're talking about Inny? What I would do now if I knew what I know now and were back there is be assertive about my body/self. I wouldn't look for understanding, obviously your mother has her own agenda and it isn't related to yours but I wouldn't allow my body to be touched or accede to strip searches or even disrespectful language. I wouldn't "rebuke" my mother but I'd explain that I couldn't allow her to speak to me that way and turn and leave wherever. One of the best things I discovered about your age was that I was "bigger" than my stepmother :-) I didn't have to be physically afraid of her. That gave me a lot more "courage" to leave bad arguments, etc. I left home because my stepmother called me "stupid" one time too many. I started to cry and turned and left the kitchen where the problem started and started up the stairs to my room and she was yelling at me to come back, etc. and I was so desperate and hurt (I was 22) I thought to myself, "I don't care if she kills me, I'm not going back" and kept going and threw myself on my bed still crying. Both she and my father came upstairs and I could see bewilderment on her face and I went on about how she'd hurt my feelings andI was calling out between my tears, "I am not STUPID!" etc. and it turned out she hadn't even realized, hadn't "meant" to hurt my feelings, etc. But that, for the first time I "won" in a disagreement with my stepmother, I realized I was "grown up" now. I was still angry at her treatment of me so I worked on finding a place to move out to, etc. It was timefor me to go.

But, sounds like you're in the opposite situation and are moving home. Work on getting her to treat you as an individual and to learn that your ways and means and actions are not hers and not her "business" anymore. Don't think or act like your mother's daughter anymore, act like Inny, yourself!