When I am in reality it is too overwhelming. Too many flashbacks, horribles one, scaring to the point of seeing suicide as a safety way of scaping from the threat, to the point of thinking of killing ''everyone'' to be safe.

That's why I spend most of time dissociated or psychotic, I stay far from trauma while psychotic and dissociated.... but lately I have tried to face the trauma and stay in touch with reality, and I cannot study or be safe without sedating myself with benzodiacepines.

My therapist told me to don't feed the dissociation and psychosis, and stop pretending everything is normal, but if I do what he says I crash in a dangerous way.

I think I will stay dissociated and feeding psychosis until I finish my second semester examns in june, then...

I don't know, if I face it I would need to be nearly supervised, which it is something I don't have, but I need to face it in order to don't be all the time psychotic or dissociated. I can't build social relationship or truly live when being so dissociated or psychotic.

I am in a day hospital but the activities are mainly to socialize and participate in a friendly way, to learn to do that. This is because most of patients there have problems with it. They don't have anything specific for trauma, they just focus on teaching young people to behave and react in appropriate ways, for example, how to ask things gentely instead of getting angry and scream what you want. My psychiatrist told me the activities won't help me, but there are not more resourses in the day hospital.

This is why I am considering the psychiatric hospital, which it is one of the best ones in my country, and gropus and activities are more personalized, divided on patients needs, on groups depending of their needs.

acute wards don't help, the day hospital isn't enough, it is closed after 3pm and it is closed all august.

The minimum tiem to be inpatient in the psychiatric hospital it is 6 months, this and don't seeing my regular psychiatrist scares me.

What do you think about the residential treatment in the psychiatric hospital?