Fharraige, it never occurred to me that lack of exercise could play into this. I used to walk two or three miles almost every day, swim, and squats, pushups, etc. Now I am JUST starting to get back to yoga more regularly but even a 30-minute walk exhausts me. this is the longest, slowest healing I've ever gone through.

Rwwff, what is "spacial modelling." I tried to look it up, then had to look up words in the definition, I hope your improvement continues and that your spouse is kind.

Cocosurvivng, is your memory loss constant? Or does it come and go with episodes? I'm discovering by reviewing these responses that, at least anecdotally, we with bipolar have a lot of memory issues as a group.

Vertigo, I think you're right about spacial navigation. And I also wonder who is "directionally challeged" as my sister calls me. Is that a bipolar thing? I would love to tell her--and my geographic genius of a husband--that, this too, is a reflection of BD. I cannot figure out how to get anywhere, indoors or out, unless I have been there many times. Even then, it can be really hit or miss, especially now.

You also brought up ECT with relation to memory. I have read that it swiss-cheeses recipients' brains. Is that permanent? I have never been able to receive ECT (no insurance) though I wonder often if it might not help me out of this incredibly long slump.

Thank you for bringing up the hippocamus. I am a bit of a research nut, but unfortunately cannot remember much of what I study these days. Your conclusion makes total sense, though, and is succinct enough for me to ponder if I write it on my hand. I might start a thread about this very thing. Do you know what his happening in the frontal lobe and the amygdalia when we are manic? I can't remember....



5150dirtdiva, I hear you on the brainfog and blending. I have trouble telling real memories from dreams I have. I have these dreams about what I did or need to do. I think it's my head's way of trying to remind me of stuff. Subconsciously, my head knows how actually very scared I have been about this issue.

What kind of an athlete are you? That kind of stuff has always take a LOT of extra training for me if I'm to do anything at all. I see this in my son and feel very glad he goes to a school with a special program for gifted and talented students. Sports are not of much interest to kids who argue about the properties of water and think it's fun, so he fits right in. Do you think athleticism is learned or genetic?

HarryKovert, I am in a depression right now, and my memory is shockingly poor. I can't even remember 2 numbers at a time of the 6-digit code Google texts me to get into my email. But as I heal, I am finding out from my husband things I did or said when manic that I have no recollection of whatsoever. This strikes me as odd since my memories of mania used to be so vivid.

Lilypup, THANK you for mentioning you have been having flashbacks. I too have them. I just wrote about this in fact: "And the flashbacks--oh god--the merciless flashbacks, from 10, 15, 30 years past..." Are yours at traumatic as mine? I find this whole dang thing to be traumatizing. It's no wonder I am so panicky and sad.

My problem with movies (and plays, etc.) is that I can't figure out what's going on for a very long time into them and sometimes not at all. I need someone to connect the dots for me. This used to be true of some things. Now it's true of almost all. I want my brain back!

shattered sanity, you sound as sad as I've been about losing your memory. I know what you mean about being the human phone book, etc. I was too. the human calendar as well. And I TOTALLY get the whole post it note thing. I try to make reminders for myself and then forget what they are even supposed to remind me of. Hugs.

jacky8807, Tell us more about what you've read about cognitive disturbance. I don't even know what all that includes, but it sounds really interesting.

Bipolar RNurse, you are my twin. Same scenario. Every time I went in I'd always hear Led Zeppelin playing in my head: "Yes, there are two paths you go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on."

Your pdoc says things like my (old) pdoc used to say about my memory. that our meds protect it, it's not alzeimers, etc. But that was before it got SO severe, and also before my uncle was diagnosed with (gulp) early onset alzheimers. He was 56. Man, that's young. I'm right around that age.I know I'm stupid to put off going to the neuro....

dshantel, I totally get what you're saying about things being like they didn't happen to you. My husband has recently informed me that I should probably apologize to people for various things, and when he's described what he means, sometimes these events come back with that very dreamlike quality you're describing.

Faltering, what is this zombie-like state? Do you want to tell more? I'm curious what it's like and when it comes on.

Wander, thank you for advising me to talk to my docs. I honestly FORGOT to bring this up to pdoc on Wednesday, even though, yes, or course, it was on my list. Neurologist has a slew of tests he is excited--yes, excited--to run on my melon. He's very passionate about his work and explains things so beautifully. I'm just...well, scared.

I used to take Topamax. my husband called it DOPEamax, it made me so forgetful. I couldn't remember from one corner to the next if I was supposed to left or right. I once forgot what you're supposed to do at a yield sign. That's when I called pdoc!

Care to share what ECT was like?

CherryGlazer, it's affected my artwork too. That, I think, is one of the scariest and saddest parts. But yours is only affected in the actual episodes themselves?