It's good that you're motivated, to learn more. I think it can be helpful to understand some patterns.
I can relate to the "wasted life" feeling. I choose to believe that no life is wasted though...Even if we "screw up" or do nothing (feel like it). It's still valuable. I've wanted to change the world too...And got very disappointed along the way and felt powerless. And not good enough. But maybe we are already changing it by being different because diversity makes people open up and helps change things