26west, I am worried that he has separated his finances from yours and that you each have separate financial responsibilities instead of sharing expenses jointly. This is not typical for married couples (although not unheard of). It almost sounds as if he is preparing to split with you. Or have you always handled your finances this way? If you don't have enough money left to buy what is needed after you pay all of "your" bills, you should ask him to pay the bills for phones, electric, etc., so that you have more left over for other expenses. Then you won't have to go to him for money for these other things. But if he is such a control freak, he probably wouldn't agree to that. What bills does he pay, by the way--housing? If nothing else, I would say financial counseling (family money management) would be useful to you two. If one person "controls" the money in the marriage, it makes the other person feel devalued, like a second class citizen. Counseling could help him see this. But does he want to improve things?

Even if you want to stay married, it would not hurt to go see a divorce lawyer to learn what your rights are and how to start protecting yourself now. The fact that you are being treated this way has nothing to do with whether you are smart, caring, loyal, etc.--I doubt changing your behavior or personality would result in better treatment. You do not deserve to be treated this way!

Take care. Good luck.