Basically told myself if I'm not a certain BMI by late this year (which is a very low BMI) I will kill myself. And now it's stuck in my head. Those low thoughts plague me every day anyway but now my ED has put a twist on it too. So my only option is to be as thin as I possibly can, I won't want to live anyway if I'm not.

It also kind of kills me inside that I'd probably be that thin already had I not gained over a 10 day period at Christmas.