I just want you to help get me back to where I was before we started, then I can leave. I can't leave damaged. It feels traumatic to leave in this state. I want to die

If i ask you to help encourage me to help me be stronger, you'll say no. That's manipulation. I dont understand why you wont help me except to say what you want on your terms. What's wrong with me knowing how you can help me? I dont understand. I want to die