Hey that's really brave!

I can relate to alot of stuff you've said. I have taken slow steps over the course of a few years to take on more, but every time my stability teeters and I re-experience symptoms i get paranoid. I stick with it thought - and somehow still get through.

Honestly I think it's better to go after what you want most and fail, than have it easier in life but not get the chance to be involved in the things you care about most.