Thanks, Skies - I think for him, it was one of those situations where you think you're holding it altogether and then realise things are leaking out. He did thank me for bringing it up, and said it would make him more mindful for other clients.

Why so long? I don't know. I think he has just been massively preoccupied -at least, that's the way it has felt. The big thing for me right now is to work out what to do about the anxious and obsessive thoughts that these sorts of situations lead me to...inconsistent caregivers make me crazy in that way.

He was talking about being able to use this as a lesson in dealing with imperfection in people (not in a self-defending way), and talked about how I had 'bumped up against his humanity' which I thought was a strange turn of phrase, but anyway.

I need to somehow say yes, that's fine, but I need a certain level of baseline consistency in order to not go crazy here. One day we'll work on the imperfect caregiver thing, and for now, I don't expect perfect. But I DO need consistent and predictable - at least, to the best of his abilities.

All in all, it was an amazing experience of taking a risk in a relationship and asking, not just assuming. Feeling I even had the RIGHT to ask was such a breakthrough for me. Feeling very proud of me right now