I'm scheduled for surgery in a few weeks. I was filling in my pre op forms and avoided writing I have PTSD. One page listed a variety of medical conditions (diabetes etc) and you mark the ones you have. I did check anxiety.

My family doctor filled in a portion and added a few print outs of my medical history. It included PTSD, moody, social phobia, anxiety, depression.

Now I feel vulnerable. I'm use to keeping my PTSD a secret. Why? I'm afraid of judgment. I left an abusive relationship five years ago. My ex was very violent. I was always talked down to. Sometimes he never allowed me medical treatment for injuries or delayed taking me. And I was threatened not to tell the truth how the injuries occurred. I needed surgery from the old injuries he caused after I left him. I became brave and told doctors the truth my old injuries are from domestic violence. Some made awful, judging comments. Other people judged me. I started acting tough, I can handle this. I avoided crying, telling others I feel nervous etc. Bad experiences with family ignoring or dismissing me if I mention I feel upset or nervous.

I tell myself surgery day they are focusing on my physical medical condition. Yet I feel vulnerable.

The social phobia threw me off guard. My family doctor never mentioned it before or diagnosed me. I have seen a psychologist in the past. Unless my family doctor knows the signs or symptoms?

I tend to feel nervous around authority figures (doctors). Past judgment and blame from the abuse. Sometimes I feel shy or nervous. I avoided making appointments for certain medical issues because it reminds me of the past judgment and abuse. Maybe I have social phobia?