Since a very early age I wanted to do something creative - I think the first thing was writing. But here I am, at almost 29 years of age, at a dead-end data-entry job, with no achievements of any note under my belt, but with a crippling social anxiety. And also with a university degree in a subject that I frankly now abhor, and have done almost since beginning to study it.

It goes without mention that I have almost no friends. In fact, the only person I'd consider a friend I don't know when or if I'm going to meet again, because he's my friend by the dint of being (or possibly having been) my sister's boyfriend, but my sister and I stopped talking to each other 2 years ago and then she moved to a different city (the boyfriend lives in yet another city).

I work from home and feel less and less (to the point of insignificance) connection to my employers or coworkers, with added anxiety of feeling like I could be fired at any minute because of how disposable I am.

I can't even find community online. Most of the time I can't contribute anything and can only ask for help (like here), which makes me feel like a freeloader. Nor am I ever able to find a role or identity of any significance, always remaining a random stranger, partly because my social anxiety extends to online stuff.

And a little under a week ago I had something like a breakdown. It had to do with a work task that I've always hated, but this time I couldn't face it for a couple days, even though it could be completed in around an hour. And since then I've mostly been watching Youtube and playing a videogame. You'd think a break would help, but every time I leave the virtual world I remember that if anything is going to change it'll be for the worse (I get fired), I feel lonely and helpless, and also afraid to move out of close vicinity of my house.

Thanks for reading, if you've made it this far. I know you can't help, but maybe it'll help to just offload this onto the Internet.