I know how you feel. I want out too. I find myself falling back into my anorexic behaviors again, and its taking over my mind. I can't concentrate on anything anymore; my notebooks from school aren't filled with notes anymore, just grocery lists and meal plans and addition problems where I add all the cals I've eaten so far that day. When it comes time to study for finals in a few weeks, I have nothing to study but my rambling disordered thoughts. In fact, thats why I can't get to sleep tonight and why I've had four sleepless nights this week- I can't get the obsessions and anxiety out of my head. I'm so tired, physically and mentally. I just need a break so I can get some rest.
Sorry, obviously I'm just continuing your rant and providing absolutely no constructive advice or help for you. This post just hit a sore spot for me as well. I feel your pain...