Dear Current T —

You have ANOTHER client who is smoking hot? And, this one seems to be fixed at your 7.30pm Sunday slot (say yes, pretty please)?

I’ll take it that her dazzling smile — especially as I ahem….held the door open for her — was entirely due to instantly beholding my charms and really had nothing to do with how the session had gone for her? Because, come on, seriously?

Do feel free to go ahead and do me the favor — that I totally know you are dying to — of letting her know about my cute little quirks and even cuter neuroses?

And, in the meanwhile, I’ll make sure of the following:

- Show up in a different pair of trousers (i.e., not the ones I’ve worn to every single session for the last seven months although umm….yeah, they have been washed and uhh….the white stuff on them is from a 30-min botched spackle job [when I tried spackling of the first and hopefully very last time in my life] that I haven’t bothered removing, because well, why bother?)?

- Curtail any and all talk of splitting mauls, rage, punching bags and so on unless of course that’s her thing? In which case, yeah, I’m totally well yeah, really just whatever it is that she’d like me to be (as long as it uhhh…..doesn’t involve lifting more than 5lb dumbbells).

- Take a shower at least every day and not ever skip the weekends. Like never, ever.

- Work on responding to people with maybe eye contact and more than a grunt?

In anticipation,
AY
P.S. I know, I know, she screams straight but there’s a reason that the term hetero-flexible was coined?