Hi Skies,
I find depression to be the hardest part too. The amount of times I've asked my therapist "How much longer will this go on for?!" is ridiculous.
Some antidepressants might work for you, others will not or even make it worse, so it takes a while to find the right one, if that's a path you're willing to explore. Over the years it's also become obvious that illegal substances are not friends and make that nasty depression way worse, yes, even weed... It kills motivation more than anything else for most people.