((((((((Mary Alice))))))))

I don't know what more to tell you that I haven't said to you before. You hurt so much and so often. I want so badly for your life to turn around and give you the rest that you need, and show you that it just doesn't have to be this way. You have some good resources, like your Pdoc who really cares about you and comes up with ideas for ways to help you, like the arrangement allowing you to spend a few days in the hospital when you need to. Have you taken him up on that yet? You know, it isn't selfish to take care of yourself, even if it means that you will miss some events. If you don't take care of yourself now, you'll miss a lot more later on. You've got to take care of yourself. Even though there are other people who would like to help to take care of you (us here, your Pdoc), we can't do it for you, and we can't do enough. You're also going to have to make some changes in your life. HE is calling you an unfit parent and selfish? Ok, what is HE then? Don't take that from him. You don't need to. Why doesn't HE go get a job and let you have a chance to recover. I know he's on disability, but it sounds like he has less of a disability than you do. You've got to slow down and take care of yourself or let someone take care of you, and he needs to pull his weight. You can't keep carrying him. The other thing is, you need to put into practice what your Pdoc and T tell you. Take your meds the way they are prescribed, rest, take a break, don't do the things they advise you not to do. You have to work with them, or all their best efforts are doomed to failure. I don't expect instant total cooperation, since I'm a stinker myself a lot of the time, but I do know that years of therapy are little more than a waste if you don't do your part.

Love,
Wendy