The specific issue of homophobia is, I think, a stronger, more intense version of the general problem of nonacceptance by one's parents. Yes, I have experienced that, mainly from my (late) mother. She was difficult enough to deal with, but if I had ever come home with a guy (with tattoos! ), and changed my appearance, there would have been hell to pay.

What I tried to do was be patient in explaining many times why I was not doing things the way that she thought that I should have. This led to many painful discussions. Looking back, though, I think that I would have done better to simply say that it is unfortunate that she cannot accept what I am doing, but I am what I am and I am not going to discuss it over and over. After that I think I should have just said "Mom, we are not going there, remember?" or something like that. If they actually got hurtful or repeatedly said that they were disappointed in me, I was not the son they knew, etc., I should have limited contact with them and told them why.

Sometimes it helps me to remember that they were a product of their upbringing and of the culture at the time of their childhood. In some ways they could not help the way that they were, and sometimes that makes it easier to look past what they said, and to forgive.