... I'm a smoker,no girlfriend,I pray to God to end my life. I just,see programs about abused black old people and remember my grandmother back when she was alive. I keep praying to God,to be a better man,die,be somebody special. At the moment he's not answering. I feel miserable. Ive taken steps to get better health,cut down on my smokes. Last night I took 15+ ibuprofen and a glass of wine. I'm still going. I an going to pray to God.