Quote:
Originally Posted by cinnamon_roll
So my T would ask in a situation like this: What do you need from me right now to make you believe deep down that this isn't true, that I don't feel that you are difficult/annoying/a nuisance etc.?
And yes, I could come up with a few things that I'd need from her, if I can muster up the courage to talk about it. Most important to me at the moment is consistency and reliability. Therapy breaks are anything but consistent or reliable... (Or reliable in the fact that they suck big time...) If I find my T is somehow unreliable/inconsistent my 'inner critic' lashes out in numerous pre-emptive strikes, hypervigilance here we come! And for me those attacks of self-criticism so often mimik Ts voice and behaviour. More or less mental self-harming, really....
Sending you a long, warm hug. You are *not* alone in this.
c_r
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You've really captured how I feel here cr. I was awake half the night thinking how T could never care about me and that he's probably tired of me/repelled by me. You're right it was almost like it was in his voice.
He's very consistent in almost every respect but the one way he's never managed to achieve consistency is in his email responses. So my ambivalent attachment is playing games, placing me half way between loving him and hating him (to protect me from the feelings I fear he has for me). It's hard.
Sadly there is nothing he can do at the moment because he's away himself. I need to think about that question though for when he returns.
Thanks so much for understanding.