This is a pretty good video explaining how they're linked:


The basic argument is that depression is caused by anger that has been ignored and stifled, and that when people can't remember the sources of their anger, it leeches throughout everything and they become depressed. So the 'cure' is to acknowledge the source of the anger and then deal with it, in a nutshell.

In my experience, that sounds great, but I do remember the details. And when I've confronted someone, saying this is when you lied, and this is when you betrayed me, and this is when you've had double standards, giving someone else a free pass while you've taken me to task, it doesn't work out.

Other people, apparently, will have the misdeeds acknowledged and appropriate amends will be made. In my experience, it gets turned around onto me, so that I am blamed for it (come on, you should have known I was lying, it was your fault if you believed me) or any individual betrayal I might have done cancels out all that were done to me (apparently I'm a killer when I let someone down but have to have the thickest skin in the world when it comes to when others do the same to me).

It's the double standard that really gets to me though, because it's across the board with everyone. My family of origin, my original abusers, yeah obviously they treat me differently than normal people. I wouldn't have AvPD if that wasn't the case. But everyone does it. Apparently everyone else is eligible to be forgiven no matter how awful their misdeeds are. That's why people get released from prison after they've served their time. But me, I don't get second chances. So it doesn't matter if I somehow learn to give myself a break, no one else will allow it. No wonder AvPD is forever.

Another thing that I don't understand. Again - my family of origin, they're completely messed up, I get that it's not right they feel this way, but they do, and that's all there is to it. But other people also seem to think I'm ineligible to have normal human experiences, like anger and pain. Like there were chips passed out upon birth - you get to be angry when someone's done you wrong, and you get to be angry, but this one over here does not.

There is a platitude that you teach others how to treat you. I think that's blame the victim crap. But who knows, maybe it's right. Maybe I'm depressed because I can't express my anger, I can't express my anger because I'm not allowed to, and I'm not allowed to because I've somehow taught people that it's okay to treat me like that.