Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
My T asks a similar question, I never know what to say. When I am in these states, I never know what T can say/do that will get me to believe again. I usually just need time for the "tantrum" to fade or that child part get so tired/exhausted that it goes to sleep. Well, that is how it feels for me or the best way I can describe it. It really feels like I am going through a tantrum... a 2 yr old, 5 yr old, or a teenager's tantrum. Or maybe it's a combination... the 2 yr old's fear, 5 yr old's hurt, with the teenager's lack of trust/belief and anger, and the adult's shame, embarrassment, logical rationalizations...
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for me it's a combination: Either I don't really know what she could do/say in the moment (only later on, something sometimes come to mind...) or if I do know it's having to courage to ask her for it... It often sends me into panic mode. Recently, I've started to come back to those questions in the next session. Sometimes it's easier to ask for something later on, once the immediate situation with all those 'young' feelings is over...
For me, it's the mixture of things. In moments like that I tend to need a lot of reassurance. But: T just saying reassuring things once or twice doesn't really do much. It's her being consistently reassuring. Consistently listening. Consistently giving room to my thoughts and my feelings. Even to my stroppiness and my tantrums. Just her being there. Understanding, or at least trying to. Having a sympathetic attitude towards me, no matter what I might come up with. Holding those emotions that are too much for me at the moment. That I sometimes don't
want to hold. Or cannot hold. And waiting for that moment when I'm ready to hold them for myself. Helping me to get to that point. Without rushing me. Just walking alongside me. Being there. That does shift something inside of me. Eventually. But it takes time. Lots of time. And me taking the plunge over and over again. Into the coldest water imaginable.
Lately, I've started to ask her for all sort of "weird" things: Her reading a story to me, from one of the many children's books that are in her office. I've started to ask her for a childrens book whenever there is a break coming up. I've asked whether I could borrow one of her little figures that I sometimes use to visualize the imaginative work that we do together and that I have grown particularly fond of. I've changed seats. I've asked her to sit next to me...
I keep wondering what all that is about. Part might be the child/children 'testing' her. Or maybe even testing out the boundaries. It seems to me that they must start to feel safe with her, to trust her, because they actively start to talk about their wishes and needs. And part is my adult side. Taking care of my needs, or the needs of the children. Because I've noticed that breaks are 'easier' when she gives me one of her books to borrow and I can look at it whenever I want....