I dunno if I have alters or not...
I dunno what my problem is really

I just go through changes, and the changes feel compartmentalized...
As when I went through a severe depressive episode, I know it happened but I dont feel like it happened to me... Sort of like when something happens to a friend and you feel bad for them, but I'm rational... or try to be, so I know it must of been me, Im just having a hard time connecting to it... When I try, it makes me feel bad.

Today is not so good... I feel sick, depersonalized... but I feel depersonalization all of the time, Its not a rare symptom to me... so much that its almost my norm.

If I were more simple minded, I would just make my mind up on what to think it is, probably just listen to the doc... But I need to understand, its an obsession to know so that I can make it better... And any half assed answer isn't going to cut it, you know what I mean? So I keep going around and around, but not able to come up with a solution...

I am going to see my case manager tomorrow, have pdoc on the 24th, and going to set up an appointment with my therapist tomorrow.. I could call the rehab place but I dont feel like it because I dont think they can help very much.
Im not drinking, nor do I have the urge or desire to drink... I'm just trying to sort this out...

Im going to take a step back again, no new information currently so no need for me to be here...

Appreciate the information, Its just very confusing to me still... I think because a large part of me does not want to be D.I.D. or BPD ...