Hello, Rob1713, and welcome to Psych Central! I am so sad to hear about what's happening with your family. Such a toxic environment does negatively affect children, as you are seeing. My mother wasn't as bad as your wife, but she made our lives miserable. I was glad when my dad died (he was 77), because at least he didn't have to put up with her treating him like a slave any more.

What I suggest is therapy for you--a place where you can talk about what's happening and learn ways to cope--or and/or get the support you need to finally leave her.

I am not able to suggest any diagnoses, since we can't diagnose anyway, but a therapist can also give you some insights into what's going on with your wife. As you know by now, her behavior is not normal.

I hope I have been of some help. Please do get away as soon as you can, even if you have to leave the expensive furniture behind. (What does your daughter think about her mother? I'm just wondering.)

Again, welcome! Please hang in here. I'm sure you are not alone.