its just like... i feel different... things change... then i have residual feelings from how i was before... shame... guilt... envy...
how can i be like this?

im watching but im not here, no body is home, i dont know how the body is operating without a controller?
or is there a controller, a shell, a blank, that i am able to passively control?

but why do i be really cool and then change? im not so cool right now
things are kinda bad, im feeling sad... scared...
my body feels weird... i feel distant... my ears are ringing... ect ect...

am i blacking out? or losing touch? is this psychosis? im not hallucinating... or hearing voices... i just feel dead... robotic... operating under standard pretenses, a manual to survive... whats happening, you know?

i am just skipping around... like a scratched cd... i gone to the store... then i was at the store... then i rode back... now im here... but its all instant... its like, how did i be at the store? did i really go to the store? or have i been sitting here the whole time?


am i explaining this good at all?
i don't wanna be alone with this... my body feels weird...
im sober, and not gonna drown these feelings... but im afraid... afraid of blacking out, some one else taking over... its not fair, its just not fair