i try the grounding skills, they make me feel more weird... like going into a trance... or hypnotized... i just try to keep moving so i can try to feel the body, when i stop and breathe and try to be all like relaxed and stuff i start to go into trance... i dont like that feeling, you know?

i told my T and i cant remember what she said... i think she said it get better with practice...? but i not sure...



i know she said i dont like to feel my feelings

i know im having a lot of depersonalization... i drank and drugged to cover it up... when you high and drunk it feel normal... like, ok, there a reason to feel strange... but being sober its like, scary..? sucky... feeling like this not my body, or im in the wrong place, i dont belong here i just dont know where i belong or what im doing here

i dont wanna drink or anything, i just confused...