feilacan: I won't pretend that I can completely relate to what you posted, but what I do understand (and see a correlation) is the need to stay with a T WAY past the time it probably should have ended.

With my previous T, I never felt comfortable enough to bring up any real feelings, especially towards her. I was constantly worried she was going to "fire" me because I was so frustrating and boring. This went on for 5.5 years. The first year-ish, I had to use the bathroom "urgently," before every session, and was completely nauseous until we got going.

After that, I still needed the bathroom, but at least the nausea passed! To me this was an improvement, and must have meant something.

After 5.5 years, and me finally realizing that we were going nowhere, and I was never going to get the guts to say I was slightly terrified of her, I quit.

I took a year off from therapy, and decided to try again.

With my current T, she "got" me in some ways that if previous T ever saw, I never heard. She was younger, and willing to speak her mind, and I felt a tenuous connection. We are almost on 2 years, and while there has been a lot of frustration on my part, she stays positive and hopeful for me. She pushes me, but also lets me know it is okay where I am at.

It was such a huge difference. Within 6 months, she probably knew as much or more about me than my previous T did in 5.5 years! My prev T was a lesbian, and sexual orientiation confusion is something I am struggling with, but my current T who is straight (or at least married to a man), has talked to me more about my struggles than prev T. And that is purely because I felt that connection.

What I am trying to say is, you really have tried. I get it. I tried so hard, too. Maybe give another T a shot? I wouldn't have given this advice if it hadn't happened to me, and I was pretty jaded.