I guess it's the little things that mean the most to them. Like the dishes. My mom gets ecstatic when the dishes are done and the kitchen counters are clean. So I really need to make that priority. And if I can keep the house clean all the time that will be even better. Until they can see I'm in a stable, long-term career, they don't want me to take on financial responsibilities. Unless they can determine I can handle it, they'd rather me focus on doing chores for them rather than risk being in a financial emergency by taking on vet bills and things that they are okay with covering. I think they do want me to be financially responsible with the car. They told me if I screw up with the car I'm screwed, so they want me to me smart with my car and baby it. To them, taking care of the car I have is more responsible than shelling out hundreds of dollars at the shop because I drive it all crazy. I think there's more than one thing to being responsible. It's not just finances they're worried about. They told me they can handle an emergency, if I really need it. But of course, they're not going to give me gas money if I went driving all crazy. (I do pay for my own gas). But I guess with the dog, they don't want me taking on an animal if I haven't proven that I've been in a job long enough to be able to cover expenses if an emergency comes up (apparently, dogs have lots of emergencies). But that's not to say they don't want a dog. They just don't want me to get in over my head financially. It's nothing to do with me being mentally capable with having my own dog. They just don't want me to have to deal with a crisis and have something horrible happen.

I think I need to apologize for the confusion. My parents do mean really well and they love me unconditionally, and they do make a lot of decisions for me because I am not always in the right place to make a major decision. I don't know if most of you know this, but I always have a manic episode when I get a new job. I have been fighting this so hard, believe me, my parents and I were absolutely shocked when I was let go at the Hilton because I tried so hard and I thought this was the right fit. It wasn't, and my parents did praise me when I didn't let the loss stop me from pushing forward. And now, I think things are looking good as a caretaker. I'm ready to "settle down" and I'm committed to take this job 110% seriously and do whatever it takes to improve and be the best I can be. That's all anyone can hope for.

I'm sorry to have ranted about my parents. I've been having meltdowns from being so lonely and I projected it into making my parents look bad. I love my parents unconditionally and they only want the best of me. They are most concerned about my financial situation with not having a stable job. They both grew up very poor, and when they met, married, and had me they hardly lived paycheck to paycheck. They were on WIC, they were scraping by, and went through some horrible things financially and they want to set me up with the best possible stepping stones to succeed and not have to go through what they went through, and that will be very hard for me being bipolar with the mania. It's my fault, not theirs, that I cannot do anything without their permission. I've been in a vegetative state before, I've been on an involuntary 5150 hold, so I doubt myself and my capabilities and I frequently ask my parents if I'm making the right decision because I know my parents are sound in their reasoning and experiences and they only want me to succeed. It's just something I need to learn how to do because I've relied so much on my parents that I sometimes get confused or emotional when I don't have any input or have to make decisions on my own without help and at the same time I get angry that I'm so used to asking for input that suddenly I feel like I can't make decisions on my own anymore and I feel bad about it. I guess this is something I need to discuss with the therapist because it's never occurred to me that I need to make my own decisions and how to accept help and still make my own decision.

So I guess what I want right now is to find ways to be independent and financially responsible so to not only help out my parents but to move forward in life even if I am still living with my parents. Living on my own is not an option right now. I don't feel ready for that and I need to stay in my job for at least a year to prove that I can handle living on my own.