Ohhh I have totally been here! It was terrifying. My mind was going into overdrive, face went red, I was shaking, trembling, and yeah the whole lot! It all sounds terrible put like that, and it really was, but, there is also a somewhat liberating feeling alongside it. My T noticed all the symptoms that it was throwing at me, and got me to kind of explain it all, which was a struggle, but I've got to say, worth it. I am in no way open about things with my T in session, like you, I rely a lot on email contact. Which is great, but for me, emailing gets me nowhere, it's the actually face to face communication that brings the strongest feelings forward.

Despite how scary it all is, it is worth it.. IMO