I called my mum this evening...it was tough, I had to discuss Christmas and that we wouldn't be going to see her, but I would be going to visit and talk about the past in the new year....

She was understanding and is sending my children money for Christmas and my sons birthday.....although I asked her not to she insists on sending my hubby and I money.....I am buying her a small gift and she is picking it up from my friends house and leaving our stuff...

I have a prolem and need your advice....I see this as my problem, even though past abuse and depression, anxiety and ptsd do affect my family. My children who are 15 and 18 only know parts of what happened. I don't think I will tell them everything.

They don't want to have anything to do with my mum, my daughter doesn't even want her money.... It is not in my nature to call my mum and tell her this, I know she will be extremely upset as she misses her grandchildren.....I never once stopped them from seing her, they made their own choice not to call her....
I have asked them to call her and they said they will at Christmas to say thanks for the money etc...but my daughter says if she starts (my mum) she will not hold back....

I just want this to be between my mum and I, I feel guilty about the kids not calling her(I asked my mum not to call here)I am about at the stage to sort things out and talk to her, my son will talk to her and be calm and polite, he thinks more of his nan than my daughter does....although he would rather not go and see her....My kids attitude upsets me more than my mum at this time.....I really don't know what to think......I took my therapists advice and talked to my mum in quite an assertive manner otherwise she would have manipulated me again....she said she was sorry she wasn't there for me when I was growing up and for the first time I agreed with her and she was shocked!! I have a lot of tough talking in the new year to do....sorry this is long....just confused....are my kids right? Am I wrong to expect them to show my mum respect at my wishes, afterall, if I can learn to forgive her, then surely they should too?

any thoughts? thanks,

Jinny xxxx