I have had problems with either my husband over the past 20 years or my mother.

I began SH (drug/liquor roulette and hitting myself) in my late 30's due to severe frustration with h over the same issue over and over (intimacy).

After a dozen therapists, I've had diagnoses of MDD, PTSD, and BPD traits.

I have stopped all the SH. I don't know if I believe any of the diagnoses.

I diagnose myself with AI- a**hole intolerance!

My h and I see a CBT marriage counselor. It's helped us communicate better and we are in a little better place.

I have seen a new psychiatrist a few times, who told me to find my own t, but I'm not motivated to do so. I'm only taking Cymbalta, prescribed by a rheumatologist for arthritis pain.

So, no, I don't even want to talk to my own t now. I'm just exhausted from all the fighting.

I have had some really difficult relationships. It wasn't just me.

I know there's really nothing I can do except accept my own mother is a POS.

It hurts so much. Just trying to self soothe.