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Originally Posted by Catgirl26
Thank you for your honesty. I guess the underlying cause of this for me is that I still love him very much, but he no longer loves me the same way. I'm really concerned too about our children and where they stand in all of this. I don't want another woman sponging off my ex at the expense of my children. If we didn't have kids together I feel that it would be so much easier to move on, but for some reason this whole situation is really getting to me.
You are right though, it is unusual to keep joint assets. I guess we were just having a slow transition, and financially it was easier just to keep things as they are for now. Separating financially is stressful, and neither of us were us for that last year.
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Thank you for elaborating. This is a facet of the situation that you had left out, although your words kind of alluded to the idea that you still cared for him. So I take it the divorce isn't entirely mutual in the first place and you're probably still reeling from the effects that your spouse doesn't want to be with you anymore. Trust me, I know how this feels. Even from a bad marriage where my wife left me, I still felt the effects of being left. I get that.
I won't emphasize the importance of severing ties again. I know you realize this and I also know this is hard enough as it is.
It's going to take some time, considering you care about him, to get over things and be stronger. be patient with yourself and focus on you and your kids... do things you couldn't or wouldn't have when you were together with them, and by yourself. Find your independence and strength on your own.
This woman's complaints for you are just noise. If it was your ex telling you these things, kindly tell him that you're no longer together and that her opinions and thoughts are not welcome. keep your conversations objective, about necessary things and for now at least, don't try to be friends. Doesn't have to be animosity between you but it doesn't need to be anything more than just cordial and necessary. Things such as when the kids are with you and when they have events that both of yo should attend etc. Outside of that, every other conversation should be avoided. AT some point I'm sure normal friendly conversation can happen but it's too soon for that, and I think separations and divorces ought to be followed by a time of silence between the partners.