lastly this part:
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I'm really concerned too about our children and where they stand in all of this. I don't want another woman sponging off my ex at the expense of my children.
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as I said, where your children are concerned, you do have a say in the matter but I don't see evidence at this point where the concern for the children is based on anything real yet. I mean if she's doing anything that affects the well being of your kids, by all means you have the right to say something and ask him to do something about it. but right now that's just future assumption on your part and there is no way to know whether this will be the case. Don't let things that are "what ifs" cloud your judgment on how you go through this already tough situation.