Ok, so I first want to thank you very much for your thoughts. I want to give more detailed answers to the questions raised but maybe I should give a bit more context first.

I have seen my T almost four years but we actually had a year long break. I left for a year after I had seen him for two years. Then I came back and started seeing him again, since last August. While I was away, I saw another T (both he and my current T are psychoanalysts), with whom the start was difficult as expected but somehow we connected very well. I was very sad to leave him but these were the circumstances and there was really nothing I could do about it.

I came back and started to see my T again and basically everything had changed. Although I believe our work from the first two years was helping me to connect more easily with the other T because I knew what psychoanalytic therapy is and what can I expect, after coming back it seems that we basically had to start from zero again. Or perhaps even from below zero because now I had contrast - as I wrote before, my T is very patient, he tolerates a lot, never gets defensive, never rejects, never punishes, I still had this experience with this other T who had some qualities in his personality that my T doesn't have. I can't even put them into words. But he was also a writer and a poet. I have never valued poems but I read one of his book of poems just out of curiosity and I cried because his words touched me deeply. And I gave his book to my H to read and he too cried. He said I was lucky to meet such a person.

So, I came back, I started to see my T again and perhaps mostly due to this contrast and because I was basically mourning the loss of the relationship with this other T the current situation emerged. I am not mourning any more. I of course remember this other T and we will keep in touch (not yet though, I decided that I will not email him before one year has passed) but I'm not sad about it anymore for quite a long time already. But the negative transference remains.

I should also say that the possibility that my T is not the best for me has been discussed several times over the last months. In fact, inspired by the responses I got from this thread, I talked about it again just today. The T didn't have time to say what he thinks because the time was up but he has to say something tomorrow. In order to really try with someone else I would have to be really certain that this is realistically better than staying with this T. This decision must come from my adult part obviously who is capable of weighing the pros and cons. So far I'm not convinced that starting with someone else would be the best choice.

The change of T-s is also complicated because there are not that many options. You could consider it my kink but I only consider seeing psychoanalysts. I don't want to gamble with the possibility of ending up with an unprofessional and incompetent therapist and for me seeing a psychoanalyst is the best guarantee for that due to their very rigorous training. However, in the country I live there are only a handful of analysts and even fewer of them are men (I feel I'm not ready for women yet). So this means that if I would want to try with someone else then there is precisely one possible option and I would be willing to try it in case I'm sure that the things with my T don't work out. Obviously I'm not sure yet.