Quote:
Originally Posted by subtle lights
My parents have a lot of sympathy and my mother is always sending these signals of "I feel sorry for you". And it's so painful for me to feel that and I don't know why.
I feel guilty because I just wanna stay away from that. She has always had a lot of fear and anxiety so there hasn't been much safety coming from her and I feel I need to protect her, but that means I can never be myself. I can never be open because it hurts and there is a lot of shame feeling when I talk to her or my father . I have no idea where all that shame is coming from but it's making me sick.
So yeah, your sympathy theory makes sense in a way to me. I feel they can never understand me empathetically and that sympathy/ pity feeling is suffocating me.
But I also feel guilty because of all this...I don't know.
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Seems like along with never receiving love because we're lovable, we also get the conditioning of codependency. Toxic shame is one of the byproducts of that. It's not that we did something wrong, we are that wrong thing and that brings on more downward spirals until we stay down. One of the keys, is that language is huge in healing and it's not just the words that are spoken - but by whom and HOW. Eye contact, tone, authenticity - they matter just as much as the words themselves.