Seems like along with never receiving love because we're lovable, we also get the conditioning of codependency. Toxic shame is one of the byproducts of that. It's not that we did something wrong, we are that wrong thing and that brings on more downward spirals until we stay down. One of the keys, is that language is huge in healing and it's not just the words that are spoken - but by whom and HOW. Eye contact, tone, authenticity - they matter just as much as the words themselves.