Quote:
Originally Posted by bioChE
You really care about this friendship. Is there any way you can get her away from her kids/responsibilities for a few minutes and explain how much regret you have, and how much you want to continue being her friend?
You are presently in the worst possible situation and have to live with your regret. She has to live with the betrayal. Those are things that may never go away, regardless of your relationship going forward. She is also dealing with it from two sides - she has to live with the fact that her man fu.cked you.
That being said, the only possible thing that can happen is for things to get better.
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There's so much in here that is helpful to me.
I have never thought about the fact that she and I are already in the worst place we could be in. That actually does make it better. My brain isn't working enough for me to understand or explain how, but it's the truth.
I have thought about how she has this situation coming at her from two sides: not only did her friend betray her, but so did her man. I have thought a lot about that. I think that's the worst part of it for me. To know that I hurt and betrayed her. And to feel the shame of how I did that.
I have been thinking about communicating with her, but not verbally. I thought if I wrote to her, I would have a better chance of giving her what she deserves (sincere apology, recognition for what she's going through, etc.) while giving me the greatest chance of being heard (if the only thing I give here in those words is, again, sincere apology, etc). I certainly don't want to excuse my actions based on the facts of mania and drink. But I do want her to know that I never would have done these things if I hadn't been manic.
Sigh...
I am actually not a drinker at all. Never more than one glass, and that one is very, very rare. Only when manic. Then I am a fish.
