There's so much in here that is helpful to me.

I have never thought about the fact that she and I are already in the worst place we could be in. That actually does make it better. My brain isn't working enough for me to understand or explain how, but I know it's the truth.

I have thought about how she has this situation coming at her from two sides: not only did her friend betray her, but so did her man. I have thought a lot about that. I think that's the worst part of it for me. To know that I hurt and betrayed her in cooperation with her hoser man. And to feel the shame of how I did that.

I have been thinking about communicating with her, but not verbally. I thought if I wrote to her, like Savannah did, I would have a better chance of giving her what she deserves (sincere apology, recognition for what she's going through, etc.) while giving me the greatest chance of being heard (if the only thing I give here in those words is, again, sincere apology, etc). I certainly don't want to excuse my actions based on the facts of mania and drink. But I do want her to know that I never would have done these things if I hadn't been manic.

Sigh...

I am actually not a drinker at all. Never more than one glass, and that one is very, very rare. Only when manic. Then I am a fish. Did you know, it is harder for the CNS to register the effects of alcohol and to become depressed by it (slurring, staggering, loss of fine motor coordination, etc.) when manic? I know that is the case for me that day.

Bio, I also wanted to thank you for picking apart the idea of assault and culpability to the degree that you did. I too am all about definitions and legalities and precision. That meant a lot to me that you spent the time to do that for us/me.